Underwhelmed...

I know, killer costume right? (Thank you Dylan)

So, it's that time of year again...TRICK OR TREAT!!! I don't remember too much of it as a child, but know that it's so convoluted that it reeks of business. I mean, for us it's registering our kids so that they can get a glow bracelet that says, "they paid for your candy, hand it over" oh and while you're paying the $4, they're also scanning your info to see if you've paid your neighborhood association fees. WHAT!?!

Okay, so before it sounds like I'm just complaining - because I know of a few friends that are eager to traipse around in the dark wearing a costume, freezing while begging for candy from perfect strangers, while their kid is either eluding them or complaining that they're tired or they need to be carried or didn't get to enough houses/aka, "I want more candy" - I want to say that I think I'm at a strange place in my life. I don't yet know what to make of it.

I mean, I like the idea of people getting into things as families and neighborhoods and cities, but perhaps I'm jaded since I wish we could do this about things that really changes lives, like EDUCATION or JESUS. Don't suck your teeth at me; couldn't it be that simple? Everyone registers, pays (what they can) and then gets into it! I know, I know...

But, I just can't let go of the idea that there's more to this than what I've been doing lately. I guess perhaps that's the real deal. I'm underwhelmed by my home life, performance, attainment of status/lack of success because I'm too busy too sit back and really be and enjoy the things that I already get to experience. I'm overbooked, overstressed and over blessed, but somehow still manage to consistently be underwhelmed...

Like my Halloween costume. I'm supposed to be a detective by the way. It's a great idea, but because I'm so busy, I didn't put any practice into my accent, finding that stinkin' magnifying glass and really just "getting into it". I also allowed the pressure of others to pull my family apart...Dylan wasn't even here for night time trick or treating with the family - yucky, yuckers! Be patient with me while I go here, but I'm wondering if Dylan's idea for me to be a detective didn't suggest on a whole 'nother level that I ought to turn the magnifying glass on myself.

The magnifying glass would be to help me peel back the layers and really see myself, what I think I'm portraying, what others see and most importantly what God sees. I'm so stressed out that I haven't been able to be the wife, mother, stepmother, friend, neighbor, employee, volunteer, fill in the blank, that I want to be, that I envision myself being and that folks, just makes me sad...disappointed even. It's wearing me out and I think everyone around me too. It's not where I want to be, leaving those around me "underwhelmed", walking around knowing that God wants to BE something better than what I could ever DO and resting within that.

Perhaps I'm being too hard on myself, more time under the microscope with God will tell.