Camp Hope

The anticipation is killing me, but this is how he chooses to walk into a new situation - not knowing anyone...

We are in Stevens Point chillaxin' the night before a new experience for dealing with old things (it's just Dylan and me).  Nervous about not yet having seen a lot of the reactions to death that we were told to expect, I figured his being a middle schooler and the high voltage of coming hormones might bring a lot of things to the surface.  I spoke to Dylan's 6th grade counselor in the spring and he recommended this FREE opportunity for Dylan to interact with other kids who are experiencing grief due to the loss of a parent or loved one.

This is the first time I've ever left Dylan with someone I didn't know or have some sort of connection with.  They have an orientation for him and then one for me (to put my nerves at ease) and then I leave my baby and drive 2 hours back home.  Not the end of the story...

On the way to this camp I've never been to before, I realized that I've been to Point before to visit the family of a dear friend (the one that reads this blog) and I was able to call her and get her parent's phone number to leave with the camp in case we need someone here quickly - more quickly than 2 hours away.  Emotional breakdown averted!

As I'm working through all of this, what is Dylan doing?  Not fretting one bit, he's still chillin' as shown above; is this is his dad in him?  I think so...

That's the other thing.  If I'm honest with myself reader, I'm wondering if I've done enough preparing Dylan for this type of situation.  He was only 6 when we buried Chad, his memories are feeble and are only bolstered when we spend deliberate time talking about him or surround him with those willing to dig past their pain to mention their memories of Chad.  His pain may be so distant compared to some others, will he be sensitive, considerate?  Will he feel like he has to take care of others because his memories and experience aren't as new?   Basically, did I do this right?!?

If you don't know me by now, you can trust that I'm praying about this. Things lined up within our schedules for Dylan to be here (no soccer games, no plans for us as a family) and he expressed sincere interest in being able to attend. When I asked him about 2 months ago, he replied with hesitation, "there'll be other kids like me?" - this sealed the deal for him...and for me.  I trust that this is one of those lessons that I get to learn about letting go; letting him grow from me and being reminded of how little control I have - no matter the work I've invested in him, he's growing up and away from me.

No matter how this camp goes, there's still hope.